Erectile Dysfunction and your partner. The key to a successful relationship is communication. So, remember it’s not yours or your partner’s fault! As a man, you may be feeling overwhelmed, ashamed and stressed. Many men fear that by talking and opening up to their partners, they are letting them down and by sexually not performing they may even lose them. Most men don’t realise that this common situation happens to many men of all different ages and for a variety of reasons. The good news is that it is easily treatable. Performance anxiety and erectile dysfunction are becoming more common in younger men. A recent study of 2,000 British men found that 50% of those in their 30s reported difficulties in getting and maintaining an erection.
“We are raised in a culture where men do not talk authentically about sex,” says Paul Nelson, founder of Frank Talk, an online support group for men with ED. “Nobody tells you how to have sex – you just figure it out yourself from other teenage boys and porn.”
You must remind yourself that there is no reason to blame yourself, feel guilty or apologise for having Erectile Dysfunction (ED).
Why should I talk to my partner about Erectile Dysfunction?
Many couples find it difficult to talk about sex. When sexual problems occur, it may become even more difficult. However, being honest and open signifies a healthy and successful relationship. Communication is key says Psychcentral. This is the first step to better sex life. So, let’s look into how we can tackle this sensitive subject.
Where should you have a conversation with your partner and the places to avoid
You may be feeling uncomfortable and outside your comfort zone. Feeling vulnerable and wanting personal space is normal. Whether it’s over a glass of wine or cuddling on the sofa, discussing such an important matter: erectile dysfunction with your partner needs to be somewhere where you’re both feeling comfortable. Try and pick a time when you know you both won’t get interrupted by visitors or phone calls. Make sure the setting is quiet and relaxed and you’re both in the right headspace to be supportive of one another.
Whatever you do, do not discuss it in the bedroom! That should be a no-go area. Especially if you’ve just attempted sex. Put your clothes on first and then find a suitable place to talk.
Public places such as parks or even a restaurant is another bad idea to discuss something so personal. This can lead to you or your partner getting upset or distressed. This will cause emotions to get heightened and therefore it will not make your discussion productive.
Try to be compassionate and empathetic. This will help your partner feel less ashamed and stressed reducing the risk of performance anxiety.
Start with the truth
You’ve now set the mood, but the question is what do you say? Start by reassuring your partner that you love and trust them. Your partner needs to know how you’re feeling so talk about how this is affecting you mentally and physically. Explain what ED is, your partner may not know what it is. They may start blaming themselves or feel you’re not attracted to them anymore. But you must reassure them and yourself that this is no one’s fault. Do not play the blame game. If your partner has questions that are ok, hear them out and listen.
Once you’ve done the hard part you can now focus on treating your ED. This will make you and your partner stronger and with the right support, you can tackle this together with the right help.
Remember no relationship is all sunshine, but two people can share an umbrella and survive the storm together.
Create a plan and treat ED
Together, you should do some research online on trusted websites and see what treatments are available. Set up a doctor’s appointment if necessary. The purpose here is to make a plan together and support each other’s decisions. You can purchase ED medications such as sildenafil which is the generic version of Viagra.Sildenafil works by increasing blood flow to the penis. Sildenafil is available in 25mg, 50mg and 100mg tablets. Tadalafil is the generic version of Cialis. It is longer lasting (up to 36 hours) and acts within 30 minutes. Tadalafil is available in 2.5mg, 5mg, 10mg and 20mg. Prescription ED medication can improve sexual performance and reduce the severity of ED. A study in 2009 showed that 67%-89% of men using all different types of ED medication were successful in penetrative sex and had improved erections.
Changing your habits
Lifestyle modifications can reduce the risk of erectile dysfunction. Pharmacological treatment for erectile dysfunction should always be complemented with lifestyle changes, risk factor modification and psychological therapy. A large compilation of studies proved that lifestyle modification with exercise and a Mediterranean diet improved ED after 2 years in 4 out of 5 studies. Try to:
- Have a healthy balanced diet
- Exercise regularly
- Drink alcohol in moderation
- Stop smoking
- Avoid stress
Express your love
Showing one another love doesn’t have to always come with an erection. You can create a romantic atmosphere and explore each other’s bodies with foreplay. You can expand on your repertoires by using your fingers or mouth to pleasure one or another. Giving each other massages and using sex toys can give your partner a more intense orgasm. Sex toys also allow you to learn what feels good. You can use a vibrator to explore different areas of the body. A study was conducted and found that 53% of women and 45% of men had used a vibrator and it improved their sex life, especially for those with sexual problems such as ED.
To conclude, by being honest with your partner and having ongoing treatment you can put your erection issues aside and enjoy sex again. Working together in a relationship is far more effective than alone.
